Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
