Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
