we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
This house was built for laser tag.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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