im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize