my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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