His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
