no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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