Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
