I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
