She announced her abortion via fbk
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
