I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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