We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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