Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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