we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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