I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
