i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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