btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
