Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My liver just broke up with me...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize