we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
