One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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