i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
