you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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