He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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