what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
