she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
