new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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