There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize