Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
