her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
