I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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