I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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