I just pynch a tree in the face
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
