What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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