i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you will always have a special place in my vag
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
