he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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