it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
