I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
