super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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