i need an iv and a liver transplant
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
