btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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