Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
