I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
