i just wanna soil my oats bro
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
