Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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