He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
