But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she pinky promised me she was 18
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize