Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
