i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
