ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
