I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
