Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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