We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
