She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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