Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
