Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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