I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
