So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
