you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
