I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
40s are totally the cure
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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