Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
