let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize