Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Randomize
