Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize