Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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