I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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