new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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