Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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