found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
