a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
