loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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