I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
