You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You are the jesus of drinking
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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