I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Floor bacon is actually really good
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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