Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
