people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
